


This time I don't need another perfect lie.

by Itwillrain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Zouis Fluff, letter to zayn, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2238822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itwillrain/pseuds/Itwillrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Zayn broke up but Louis still had many things to say so he decided to write a letter to Zayn with 50 things he should have say before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This time I don't need another perfect lie.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native english speaker so you gonna find many mistakes and I'm sorry for that :(  
> I hope you'll like it :D Feel free to comment.

Louis felt so wrong ; like everything he has built suddenly fell apart and there was nothing left expect from pain and tears. He never thought that something could be so hard to handle. He was pretty sure that every single part of his body was reacting to the breakup and it hurt so much he didn't know how to ease it expect from being drunk all day long. His arms were craving for Zayn's embrase, his skin for his touch, his lips for his kisses, his ears for the sound of his voice. Zayn, Zayn, Zayn, Zayn. He was gone. He finally broke up with Louis. Well, they broke up with each other, they had an argument (it happended more and more during the last weeks) but this one was huge, they yelled like never before and didn't speak to each other since. Zayn gathered his belongings and went to Liam's flat. He never did that before. It was over and Louis knew it. Right now he just wished he could speak to Zayn, not to try to convince him to come back but just to tell him things. Tell everything he should have said before. So Louis took a piece of paper and started to write them down.

50 things I never told you :

1/ I already wanted to hit Liam when you was too close to him.

2/ The truth is that the smell of smoke doesn't bother me, I just love the fact that you make the effort to go outside for me.

3/ I checked your phone. Several times.

4/ I cheated on you, once. It was a week after our first kiss, I slept with a girl, I was drunk and I still regret it.

5/ At the very beginning of the band I thought we'll never get along because we were too different.

6/ I called your sister to choose the first birthday present I made you because I was scare to take something you wouldn't like.

7/ I spent hours watching you sleep.

8/ You weren't my "8th or 9th boyfriend " as I pretended but the second one. The first was a jerk that I dated barely two months when I was 16.

9/ It makes me sick not to see your toothbrush next to mine anymore.

10/ I'm not allergic to dog. I'm just scared and I didn't want you to bring one in our flat.

11/ I miss my father. I never speak about him but I think about him every single day.

12/ I've got a picture of you in my wallet.

13/ I dreamed about our wedding. Back then I thought one day it will be more than just a dream.

14/ You suck like a fucking god Zayn, seriously you're amazing.

15/ The episodes of glee you saw in my laptop aren't "for my sisters".

16/ I feel bad about the fact that I'm not as muscular as you.

17/ I'm not sure I told you "I love You" enough and I'm sorry about it.

18/ I've already typed "Zouis" on google.

19/ Sometimes I just wish for a life that would be normal. A life in which I could go out, have a normal job...

20/ I would never have accepted to come out as a couple. I know I promised it to you but I couldn't have. I guess you can know it now.

21/ I told Niall about our first time (I was fucking drunk, I wouldn't have otherwise)

22/ I wrote my songs thinking about you.

23/ I didn't think all the things I told you last week.

24/ I'm still not over the fact that you missed my mother's wedding.

25/ I always loved to be in your arms, I felt protect and secure.

26/ I'm crying right now.

27/ I know you lie when you say to me that you don't talk to your ex anymore.

28/ I never stopped loving you, not any second.

29/ See you with children made me want to start a family with you.

30/ It makes me unconfortable to be the worst singer of the group.

31/ I would have like you to make some efforts to get along with Stan.

32/ I don't know how to deal with life without you. It scares me like hell.

33/ You're an amazing person Zayn, you're basically perfect and you made me so happy. 

34/ I caught Harry and Niall snogging before the last show in Paris.

35/ I understood that I was in love with you the first time you took me in your arms because I was homesick.

36/ The Obey shirt you were looking for the other day didn't disappeared during our move. It is in my room at my mother's house. I used to sleep with it when I was there without you.

37/ I'm the one who broke the play-station; not Lux.

38/ Sometime I purposely annoyed you because you're cute when you're angry and I knew we would have an amazing makeup sex after it. 

39/ Lottie didn't talk to me for several weeks. She said I'm not the one she used to know anymore.

40/ I think she's right.

41/ I'd like to be my normal self again. To laugh, to smile, to joke, to be happy, to be the one you loved. 

42/ Sometime I cry in the shower.

43/ Since last week I spend my days crying.

44/ I never understood why you were with me. It's obvious that you deserve better than me.

45/ I regret that I never found the right words to tell you what I feel for you.

46/ Nothing ever made me as happy as spending the two last years with you. I'm so pround about the fact that I had the chance to be your boyfriend.

47/ I still didn't tell my mother about our breakup.

48/ There are many things that I regret and I'd like so much to change them.

49/ I still love you.

50/ I ever will.

Louis was completely drunk when he finished the letter, to be fair that probably helped him to write it. Without thinking much about it he went out of his appartment to go to Liam's. He didn't make anyone knows he was there, he just wrote "Zayn" on the envelope and put it in the mailbox.

When Louis woke up the day after with a headache, just like he did the days before he went to the living room where he found a letter on the table. He opened it. It was his letter to Zayn, for a second he thought that maybe he only went to Liam's in his dream but there were other things written next to his sentences.

1/ I already wanted to hit Liam when you was too close to him.

I promise that Liam is my friend, he never was and he'll never be more than a friend. 

2/ The truth is that the smell of smoke doesn't bother me, I just love the fact that you make the effort to go outside for me.

I'll do anything for you, you know that Louis ? Anything, really.

3/ I checked your phone. Several times.

I know. That's the reason why I never deleted my ex's number and started to speak with him again few weeks ago.

4/ I cheated on you, once. It was a week after our first kiss, I slept with a girl, I was drunk and I still regret it.

Well, I can't say this doesn't hurt but I guess we weren't really a couple back then. 

5/ At the very beginning of the band I thought we'll never get along because we were too different.

I used to think the same honestly. And I'm happy we were wrong.

6/ I called your sister to choose the first birthday present I made you because I was scare to take something you wouldn't like.

Like I would ever dislike something you gave me. You're the one who know me the best love. 

7/ I spent hours watching you sleep.

Yeah ? To be fair I do the same thing when you fall asleep before I do.

8/ You weren't my "8th or 9th boyfriend " as I pretended but the second one. The first was a jerk that I dated barely two months when I was 16.

That's so amazing to know. 

9/ It makes me sick not to see your toothbrush next to mine anymore.

I'm sorry I just left like that but I felt like it was the only thing to do.

10/ I'm not allergic to dog. I'm just scared and I didn't want you to bring one in our apartment.

Why didn't you just tell me that ? Sometimes I really don't understand you. 

11/ I miss my father. I never speak about him but I think about him every single day.

I 'd rather listen to you talking about him every day than to left so many things unsaid between us. I'm so mad at you for never trusting me when you feel bad about something. It's normal to miss him, we can talk about it, I can understand and I can help you. 

12/ I've got a picture of you in my wallet.

Me too.

13/ I dreamed about our wedding. Back then I thought one day it will be more than just a dream.

Dreams are made to come true, this one's no different.

14/ You suck like a fucking god Zayn, seriously you're amazing.

Oh my god. Baby you'll have to say that to my face next time we're in bed together. 

15/ The episodes of glee the you saw in my laptop aren't "for my sisters".

OMG I knew this!

16/ I feel bad about the fact that I'm not as muscular as you.

But I'm not Louis, you're not confident enough to see it that's all.

17/ I'm not sure I told you "I love You" enough and I'm sorry about it.

I often wanted to hear you say it more but I always knew that you love me and that's all that matter.

18/ I've already typed "Zouis" on google.

You'll tell me about everything about that baby! 

19/ Sometimes I just wish for a life that would be normal. A life in which I could go out, have a normal job...

I know you do Louis. And sometimes that's what I want too but in these moments I think about all the people who want nothing more than to have our life, I think about the chance we had to realise our dream. And I remind myself that without it I wouldn't have meet you.

20/ I would never have accepted to come out as a couple. I know I promised it to you but I couldn't have. I guess you can know it now.

Nothing dissapointed me more than this. We'll have to talk about it but listen, if we manage to go back together after this I will not accept to stay in the closet for the rest of our lives. I can give you time but you gonna have to do it.

21/ I told Niall about our first time (I was fucking drunk, I wouldn't have otherwise).

I really don't know what to think about it. Like did you go into details or ??? oO

22/ I wrote my songs thinking about you.

You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that.

23/ I didn't think all the things I told you last week.

Neither do I.

24/ I pretended otherwise but I'm still not over the fact that you missed my mother's wedding.

I can say I'm sorry once more but I suppose it'll not change anything...

25/ I always loved to be in your arms, I felt protect and secure.

I'm glad to hear it.

26/ I'm crying right now.

I wish I was there for you my love, you know it right? I want us to make things better. 

27/ I know you lie when you say to me that you don't talk to your ex anymore.

As I said I started talking to him again on purpose to make you jealous. 

28/ I never stopped loving you, not any second.

That's the only thing I need to know.

29/ See you with children made me want to start a family with you.

That's my biggest wish.

30/ It makes me unconfortable to be the worst singer of the group.

Y our voice is amazing, there's nothing I like better than it. We're nothing without you.

31/ I would have like you to make some efforts to get along with Stan.

I will. I promise I will.

32/ I don't know how to deal with life without you. It scares me like hell.

I don't want you to be without me. I know we can settle everything, Louis if that's what you want too we'll make it work. I'm sure we can. 

33/ You're an amazing person Zayn, you're basically perfect and you made me so happy. 

You too my love. You're my sunshine Lou. 

34/ I caught Harry and Niall snogging before the show in Paris.

WHAAAAAT ??????!!!!!! Why didn't you tell me ??! And why aren't we teasing them ??

35/ I understood that I was in love with you the first time you took me in your arms because I was homesick. 

To be fair I already had a massive crush on you back then. 

36/ The Obey shirt you were looking for the other day didn't disappear during our move. It is in my room at my mother's house. I used to sleep with it when I was there without you.

I should be mad at you but that's actually so cute.

37/ I'm the one who broke the play-station; not Lux.

Are you serious right now ? You accused a baby! Love seriouly why did you do that, it's not like it was a big deal ? XD 

38/ Sometimes I purposely annoyed you because you're cute when you're angry and I knew we would have an amazing makeup sex after.

I can't be cute when I'm angry, I'm your Bad Boy remember ? (Keep annoying me babe, I love you and I love makeup sex almost as much) 

39/ Lottie didn't talk to me for several weeks. She said I'm not the one she used to know anymore.

I know, she called me.

40/ I think she's right.

Yeah she is, you've changed.

41/ I'd like to be my normal self again. To laugh, to smile, to joke, to be happy, to be the one you loved.

You're the one I love, still. And I'll help you to be happy again, I promise I'll make you smile and we're going to be happy together. 

42/ Sometime I cry in the shower.

I'd rather like you to come to me and cry in my arms. We're together for a long time now, there is nothing to be ashamed, there is nothing you can't tell me. 

43/ Since last week I spend my days crying.

I cry a lot too.

44/ I never understood why you were with me. It's obvious that you deserve better than me.

You're amazing Louis. You're so amazing you have no idea my love. You're the nicest the sexiest and the funniest guy I ever met. 

45/ I regret that I never found the right words to tell you what I feel for you.

It doesn't matter. You don't have to put words on it, I already know it.

46/ Nothing ever made me as happy as spending the two last years with you. I'm so pround about the fact that I had the chance to be your boyfriend.

I'm the one who's lucky to have such an amazing person as my boyfriend.

47/ I still didn't tell my mother about our breakup.

Don't do it. 

48/ There are many things that I regret and I'd like so much to change them.

But you can't love, so now let's focus on our futur together.

49/ I still love you.

Me too, of course I love you Lou, I'll never stop loving you. 

50/ I ever will.

Will you marry me ?

Louis didn't immediately understand what was going on. He just stayed still for a long time, reading Zayn's answers again and again. He didn't move from there until someone knocked at the door and went intside. It was Zayn who simply sat next to him.

\- So, you read all of that ?

\- Yes, several times actually.  
Louis's voice was weak, it was almost difficult to speak for him.

\- And?

\- I don't really understand. I mean, I thought we weren't together anymore, and then...

\- We broke up because we stopped talking to each other. We had arguments because we became stangers for each other. But with this letter I felt like you was making an effort by telling me all thoses things. If you're ready to trust me with everything like you just did, to tell me about all the things that bother you I'm sure things could work. Louis, listen; I love you, I love you so much, you mean everything to me. Please, just tell me we can try to go through this.

Zayn went closer to him and take Louis's hand in his while Lou's head leaned on his shoulder.

\- There's nothing I'd like more than that. And now I promise I'll talk to you.

The youngest kissed Louis and it felt so right, like everything was back to normal. Of course they'll have to work things out but they can do it. When they finally broke apart Zayn looked right at Louis and said :

\- My last comment was a real question.

Louis looked confused, like he wasn't sure if Zayn was serious but his boyfriend got on his knees and repeated the sentence he wrote on the paper

\- My love, will you marry me?

\- Yes of course.  
It was just a whisper slipping out Lou's mouth but it was enough. Zayn took a box from his pocket with a wonderful ring in it and gave it to Louis who was crying now. "I love you " they both said.


End file.
